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1979 Valiant CM Regal 'Survivor' Thread

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    Funnily enough, a couple of guys off the Mini forum actually did the 2013 event in a Mini Panelvan.

    Mine is extensively restored and modified and barely makes it to the shops without breaking. Fuck that!

    Anyway, the 2012 route had been announced and was Melbourne to Cairns via Cameron's Corner. What could possibly go wrong?

    We picked up another team mate because our focus had always been more on the 'Rally' rather than the 'Charity' component and this meant 30% less fundraising. Plus we'd pretty much tapped out our respective families for donations the year before.

    To make the team even less unlikely this was a friend of my wife's, a gynaecologist originally from El Salvador. So now we had an ED Consultant, a radar engineer and a gynaecologist, which sounds like even more of a joke.

    To make more room in the car I jury rigged a roof rack setup involving a $40 roof rack from ebay, a $5 steel library shelf from Lifeline and a $10 wardrobe basket from Bunnings. Highly professional. Still almost cost more than the car did. Later bolted an old toolbox to the front for roadside emergencies.

    Also changed the tyres finally, using the highly scientific method of walking into the local tyre shop and asking for the second cheapest. Nothing but the second worst for this baby. Supercats it was!

    Once again I did the sums and we had it freighted to Melbourne. Plus I heard too many stories of Shitbox Rally cars exploding on their way TO the event.


      Originally posted by trdee View Post
      this thread has potential
      1988 AW11 9A-GTE - project #1 | 1984 MA61 1JZ-GTE - project #2

      Originally posted by Walt Kowalski talking like a crazed hobo
      The major arrests will start from 1st January 2019.


        So the day before the event we all flew into Melbourne and caught a taxi to the depot in Broadmeadows I'd had the car freighted to. Somehow, every time I had this car freighted it showed up looking filthy and abandoned, and they were always amazed when we actually managed to fire it up and drive off. This time it was behind three cars, a locked fence and parked in long grass.

        Got her going, put the roof racks on and set off for the CBD.

        Being a Melbourne first timer we somehow got stuck on some long street with traffic lights every 50m. After 6000km odd desert k's, it started overheating. I knew flushing the radiator was an error!

        Stopped at a servo to wash it down so we could get the race stickers to actually stick on the way, let it cool down a bit and continued. Coolant didn't seem to be coming out anywhere, so it should be fine...

        The pre-race briefing that night was the usual Shitbox Rally run down. 'There are tough roads, do not expect to average more than 45-50km/hr or your car will explode and/or you will die'. We drank beer and hit the camping shops for supplies.


          Originally posted by Mr Purple View Post

          , a gynaecologist originally from El Salvador. ,

          he'd useful for getting at those hard to get bolts in tight spaces ....


            The Valiant was about as out of place in inner city Melbourne as anywhere else. I would have thought the local Greek population would have prepared them, anyway...

            Roof racks in place. The Everyready dolphin ready to act as an impromptu, if useless, spotlight. It would at least make our car visible when the highbeam started failing again.

            The toolbox was a mistake. Every time we drove off I heard over the CB - 'you've left your tools on the roof!'.

            Made it to the gardens no problem, stickered up the car there.

            They had a habit of mis-spelling our team name. Differently both years, naturally.

            I always found it ironic our one sponsor was 'Chapman's Dyno Tuning'. I should have just left it outside their shop idling until they realised how badly the idle reflected on their skills and fixed it.

            A radar engineer and a gynaecologist putting a sticker over a venetian.


              Went for a wander around the other cars to see what was happening.

              Ended up having the same conversation five or six times: 'Where'd you find another Valiant?", "It's the same one". Turns out we were only one of two or three teams that actually ran the same car from the previous year.

              Things escalated a bit this year, there was some genuinely decent stuff about. I'm sure half of it was people giving no fucks for the $1000 limit but some guys had done a good amount of work for something that was probably genuinely shit to start off with.

              Bravest call was the race mechanic who retired his SD1 in favour of an Austin Landcrab. Presumably because the SD1 was too reliable. By the end of the event he was mentally and physically broken. He'd roll into camp every night at about 3AM with a thousand yard stare.

              This dude showed up in a 60's British shitbox that I can't even identify now.

              And our old teammates from the year before did a top job on an ex Australia Post 1977 Transit. Complete with A-Team paintwork and later model Falcon six.

              We set off behind the Transit, while all the fancy modern cars with actual compression and more than three forward gears disappeared over the horizon.

              Their judgement would come.


                Day one was a simple highway run to Wentworth, just north of Mildura.

                It was a day of discovery. Turned out the roofrack knocked off the 4km/hr cruising speed we'd gained with a tune. So we were still stuck at 82km/hr.

                1979 Valiants came standard with an iphone charging dock:

                And the back seat was mouldy and had collapsed, so it was a spectacularly unpleasant place to be. This is seriously a shot from head height in the back seat.

                It was like lying on a beanbag in a crack den. Until we hit the gravel, then it was like lying on a beanbag in a crack den in a hailstorm.


                  I've had cars with smaller glove boxes than that ashtray.


                    Still great reading. Keep me coming. Got a mate prepping a Pug for one of these rallies.
                    Originally posted by Walt Kowalski:
                    I knew it. That orange bastard is controlling the weather with HAARP just to save his Mar-a-Lago property where he intends to host his handler, Vladimir Putin, at next years G7 which will be morphed back into the G8.


                      I'm surprised that the ciggie lighter actually worked and supplied any voltage let a lone 12 volts to charge a phone.......


                        Charger probably only needs 7 volts to charge the phone :)
                        Dirty Subaru owner


                          It was irrelevant anyway. Given I was with Optus I lost reception outside Mildura and gained it again about six days later.


                            great read. I must get involved in this..
                            ~~ ~~
                            ~ (**) ~
                            ~~ /\~~
                            ~ mmm...stick boobies~


                              The transit blew an oil return line and covered us with oil somewhere near Ballarat. We loaned them our bottle and they headed off to get repaired.

                              The rest of the day was pretty uneventful and we made it unscathed into Wentworth. The Transit was only a couple of hours late. No casualties the first day. Coming from Queensland it was weird to cross a state in an easy day's driving.

                              Solved the overheating problem too, it was the headlights. Every time we turned them on the temp gauge maxed out. Easy fix!


                                Well with six wires in the whole car you do have to expect some circuits to have to do double duty.... :)